Holidays and personal stuff

I've been out at my mom's since the 29th. and I've started to get used to all the changes. Don't mind me being alittle personal here. I haven't visited my mom since this past spring for mother's day. And it took me about 2 weeks to decide on whether or not I was even going to do it. I just recently started a new job so that screwed up my plans entirely. I was initially supposed to be going to go see My Muse from the 26th through the 30/31 or so. But my new job ended up saying that they weren't going to be starting me until after the New Year if I did that, but that they really needed my help during the christmas holiday. So I kinda screwed up and opted to start my training earlier. A big mistake on my part because I ended up missing being able to spend my 1 yr anniv. with My Muse. *sigh* not-so-hot.

Well, they got me on a neat little schedule now that my training is almost over. I work 9-6 monday through friday, then I have sat-mon off. The next week I work tues-sat and have sunday off since they're not open that day, then mon-fri/tues-sat alternating like that. And I get a 3 day weekend every other week. So it works out nicely and I now have time to do schoolwork and all that jazz. Although I really should have waited to start until after the New Year. I hate having to make sacrificial decisions. I end up upsetting one side and regretting it either way.

I still feel terrible.

Right now I'm up at my mom's house. I haven't seen her since Mother's day. And to tell the truth it took me a lot of time to decide on even visiting her. If I hadn't decided to do it now you can bet I probably never would have, then it would have been nearly a year since I visited her. It's been hard for me to talk to much less face my mom and her side of the family. Living with my dad, whose been on the rough end of the stick on this whole divorce thing. And then My mom started dating one of her old high school friends, who's her sister Donna's husband Brian's older brother Kevin.
That part hurt. Worse than actually meeting Kevin first thing upon walking in the door mother's day weekend. I walked in, they were sitting together, and I had to ask "who's he?"
She called me up for the first time since May in mid to late Sept. asking me if I would be a part of her wedding, which was to be in the last week of December, right before Halloween, and I had already requested time off for something else months prior to that. My superiors at work gave me the choice of one or the other. My mom's wedding at the last minute before they made that week's schedule, or the even I was already going to that was 3 days after mom's wedding date.
I ended up choosing the prior event, and ditched my mom's wedding. I of course regretted it the whole time because it's my mom. But I couldn't get past the whole "my mom's marrying someone else, and it's not dad" mental state. I just really couldn't stand it. And I was afraid I'd get mad and actually lose it for once and say something I would really regret later on. So I ditched her wedding. It's taken me 2 months to talk to her now, and I called her up on Xmas day and talked to her and my sister, and asked if it'd be okay to come up. Then she sounded really happy, like she was going to cry or something, and so did my sister and my aunt. Which made me feel like a major ass, cuz I kinda am I suppose. *sigh* And things haven't been so bad. I finally got to meet Kevin for more than 5 minutes, and he's not so bad. Really quiet though. And I looked through their wedding pictures. Kinda upsetting, but I tried not to let it show. Hell, I don't even know what my Dad did with his and mom's wedding pictures.

dammit.

*sigh*

oh well. It's not like I have powers that can make the world perfect or anything.

So anywho, yesterday my sister and my older cousin Samantha and I hung out together all day. It's sad just how much time is taken up by school and work. My sister always has dance and school, and my cousin is going into anastesiology (sp plz?) which is keeping her in school for near 10 years. She's already been in for 3 going on 4. Got her basics in 2, currently doing nursing co-op part time for credits and experience on top of schoolwork. So it's just co-op and schoolwork. She studies so hard. And I've been working to pay for AAU art school while attending it. So it's always work/study/work/study. As a result, even though her and I are a year and a half apart, we haven't hung out since I was a freshman in high school. That's been almost 5 years. Damn......5 years.....sorry. I hate time...I really do. I was on the brink of tears the whole time kinda just thinking about it.

I think too damn much.

Anywho. So we went shopping since there were a lot of bargain sales. I bought some clothes, haven't done that in over 2 years! I'm serious. My newest pair of jeans I bought when I first moved to G-boro my freshman year of college, 2 years! Now of course I've gone out and bought dress slacks several months ago cuz my old ones wore out and I had to wear slacks at my old job, but that doesn't count cuz it isn't "personal" attire lol. anywho. We went shopping, and went out to eat at a place called Logan's Roadhouse (odd place really), and we also went to see a movie. We saw the movie Enchanted. It was so sweet and hilarious. And Disney really did a good job transitioning everything from animated to real-life. And it did make me think a little. Oh yes, a Disney movie made me contemplate stuff. I have this quirky little habit of analyzing people and things waaaay too much. But watching how Giselle went from perky dreamland to dealing with a real developing relationship in reality. It made me contemplate my own life in a sense. When does the magick end? Is there such a fine line between fantasy and reality? Am I myself stuck in a dreamland? I haven't run into any major financial problems outside of student debt of course, and things are hard. And I try to keep a level head on my shoulders. But I always find myself not wanting to deal with it, so I play video games and draw. I love drawing, I wish I was better at it though. And I want more than anything to be an Illustrator. I love making cards and posters, and I'm experimenting with comics, although I've found I personally prefer writing comics and novels as opposed to drawing them, but I love doing artwork for them. So maybe I can make a niche for myself doing coverart or posters and stuff. Portraits/caricatures. I love drawing people in realism and caricature. I dunno. Then seeing the graphics for the trailers to The Spiderwick Chronicles and Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian and some of the other movies, it made me think real hard on my first New Years Resolution > Get my ass in gear. I really let myself and others down this semester. I got burnt out too early, and let my grades slip, and as a result I failed 2 of my classes. It's really left a mark on me. I can only hope the academy will still let me attend. I have to fail 2 semesters before they drop me completely, and I've just about failed one. I have to make above a 1.85 gpa in order to not fail the semester, but I don't know my gpa yet. I hope it's above that. I don't want to fail. I still hate myself for letting it get this bad. But I'm resolving to never let that happen. I went for a goal my freshman year, to do my best, and ace all of my classes. And I'd really like to aim for Dean's List. I never amounted to much of anything in high school because I'll admit I bsed half of it and fooled around on whims too much, just managing a C average. I told myself upon graduation that I'd ace everything in college and actually achieve something for once.

that has yet to happen.
So I've resolved that. I will bring those grades up. I will pass every semester with flying colors. I will make Dean's List. I will produce artwork that I can now be proud of. I will become a professional Illustrator even if it kills me. all-nighters, deadlines galore, bashing critiques > bring it. This semester made me finally sick of sitting on the bottom rungs of the ladder. Always aspiring-to-be, but never achieving it as reality.

And I just totally lost my train of thought. I was talking about my day with my cousin. It was great though. I really enjoyed it.

I'll be posting a lot of sketches up here soon since this is mainly an art blog. I'll be sketching a lot more from now on. And I've re-started work on both Random Days and Je T'aime. As well as scripting layouts for My Muse and Emofied-Drama-Queen's HarryxDraco story "Love in 5 Days". I'm hoping to have some artwork for that up soon. It'll be my first ever doujinshi!

anywho. I need to get off here before I digress terribly again.

bunnies.........rabbits..........

digression.....weeeeeeeeeeeeee


love all,

P

Just a little something I've been sketching up over the past day or two during free time @ work.

He's one of my two main characters for my story I'm working on "Random Days"

Kaine Daemon

laters

Yo!

Heya

I don't have any sketches to post up right now since I like.....am screwed for time cuz of work and schoolwork, but I have a bunch I'll be posting later this week, soooooo...


wee.